I’ve come to a realization today. The hard way. I might be overreacting and that would not be a wrong critique. I quite frankly could have lost someone in my life today. The baking sun sunk deep into my thoughts and they fought the utter shock like a fearless boxer. Life could come and go. Life can bring and take away. It seems a reasonable thing to me that life makes us aware of this truth. A flashing obstruction that begs for mercy. I sulk in the supremacy. I am overshadowed by its presence. It conflicts me and gallops elegantly through the marrow of my structure. The bones rattle with bewilderment. I am lost. Life can throw crazy things in your way. Life can beg you to go home. Life can cry a rainbow or sulk in the rising sun. Life can bring justice, yet cause harm.
I thought about life in a different light. All day I was imagining a life without valuables. A life without this or that. Then all of a sudden, before my eyes, it could’ve very well have happened. I thought it was a dream. A broken vision that I could simply rewire and continue joyously along. This was not the case. I thought about a life without him. It felt kind of odd. Taking away a blessing from God, out of my life? Yes, that is where my mind went. An avalanche of feelings constructed within me. Before me, the act of human error, a simple mishap that escalated to new heights. The vision blurred. I can’t imagine how it felt. A performance of unfortunate events unfold. Torment foils the rather optimistic tone that typically can be felt from my friend. I somber in disbelief. A certain perception of life changed in that instance. A simple mistake could have had dire circumstances. What would I have done? If he had gone forever? Seems like a miserable thought to conceive. A thought that fiddled with my heartstrings a bit. It prohibited me to lavish in my young spirit. It was a tattered fragment flowing amongst the thin air during that moment. As the grip of life walked the streets, it slowed the motion of life. All the laughs, gone. All the smiles, gone. All the connectability, gone. The friend who gave me a world of thought, gone. Who invited me into his life without judgement, gone. Who understood me, gone. For the most part, I went with the moment. My spirit flowing through my veins, and the weight of the world surrounding the radius of the scene. A rather rejuvenating soliloquy, but one that I found tiresome at the same time.
Sometimes I see life as a stand up comedian who’s go-to joke is irony because he loves to exploit the unaware, the one less attentive. To amplify your ignorance, he presents you with his dry humor that involves farce situations. A life worth living, is one who is aware of the road in which it rides along. For it is the last man, who gets forgotten in the convoluted mishaps of life. When I see the faces express their stories to me, I recognize an individual. I recognize a person on a path. I see qualities in each string of grass and each beat of a song. The harmony it brings to me. The sympathy the sky has for my wanderous soul. I might sulk for a moment, but illusory only sketches a different line on my portrait. It only types another sentence in my story. If I lost. If I had lost something in a moment of failure. It would have constricted my soul, limited a dormant being to laugh within himself, to heal himself, to sulk within himself. When I would lose something special. Something as special as I have with me today. A companion of his stature. I would have felt lost, yes, but the presence would have still been there. A spirit would have still walked the streets of my mind. I would still have a lasting friend to watch that movie with. Life would be the stage, and we would be the director. We could analyze it together. See the stars move in delight. Those empty seats, would still be empty. I would still, probably save a seat, for the friend that had always been there for me. We would talk like we had always discussed. Observe life with a youthful eye. Cast our laughter upon the sun and wait until tomorrow to do it all over again. I would still, flip a coin to decide what’s next. Workout? Read a new book? Write stories with no limitations and yet live within our own boundaries. I would call out to God, and ask how he is doing. I would fall into the abyss of two people. Fly under the weight of the culture we would create. Those carefree hearts that walked the hallways of the school and always did the right thing. Embark on a clueless journey with no prior knowledge, just for the heck of it. Talk of life, God, our minds. I would always welcome the atmosphere with a weary smile. Yet with all that being said, his presence would still deteriorate. That is the unfortunate truth that jarred me. I attempted to settle my feelings, as futile, but they refused to exit.
No words, could accurately describe a life without. I used to be a lonely being, rebelling against the mantra that you need a friend in life. For it is now that I fully have realized, this is completely false.