Chapter 6 Emanate

I woke up from my dream. The bus was still moving. The hard surface of the window pane plastered a headache upon me. I was juxtaposed by the world around me now. I was a paradoxical image of the life I wanted and the life that I chose. I curtailed what I wanted in my head. A drafted checklist. I wanted to find an outlet. I wanted to find an outlet. I wanted to find the love of my life. I wanted to wash away the pain of the past and live in the present. So I shouted at the bus driver.  The bus halted abruptly and everyone stood and looked back at me. They uttered vulgar phrases thrown towards me. I collected my thoughts and courage, and proceeded to the front of the bus. I suffered greatly in my mind. I was hoping to get past the obstructions of life now. I was hoping to now be able to live out instead of in. I punched the driver square in the jaw. He fell from his seat and I opened the bus doors. When they opened I squeezed through them. I had tripped over the last step and fell straight on my stomach. The asphalt burnt my skin and I lay there for a while. The crowd of onlookers through the bus windows could be heard through the thin walls of the bus. The entropy that filled me. I lie in the velocity of the beating heart and the running veins. The visual conquered me of a life progressed through abruptness. A life of spontaneity. My eyes widened and my breath stirred. I jumped up to my feet.

To me, another window had opened. Another journey to follow. I would risk my life to rebel against the world. A yelping cry turned the buses silence over. I searched the crowd to find a young woman. This sparked my curiosity. .

“You alright, mam?”

 

There was no answer.

 

I called out again. This time the young woman walked out of the bus. She swarmed me with her elegant beauty. I saw the same eyes that I sported when I had left. The broken, fragmented hope that rounded the iris and the sprinkle of destiny that gave it its color. She was unique for sure. I wanted to get insight into her mind. The streetlights facilitated a gesture in my heart. They flickered along this asphalt road. I felt a rejuvenated sense from this woman. A sense that baffled me.

 

“Uhm. What’s your name?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I’m curious?”

“Why are you talking so loud?”

“I am?”

“Very.”

 

The onlookers through the bus continue to look and whisper among themselves.

 

“They don’t matter.” she said

“What’s that?”

“They don’t matter. All I care about is you.”

 

Well, that was a little strong. A strong woman that expressed freely her opinions. A woman who suited her beauty as a tool in her tool belt. This was magnificent to see. A individual in a mass of standardization. The tests. The schedules. The small talk. She had something more. It was like clockwork the way her body moved.

 

“You want to go?” She asked

“Go where?”

“Anywhere but here.”

 

Of all the stories I had read. Of all the plot lines that I followed ever so attentively. This was the most interesting. I wanted this ever so much. I didn’t want this to slip from my grasp. This moment was mine. This moment was here, and I would take striking advantage. I would scramble through the best lines to voice. I would ordain a perfect man, to step forth to break the seemingly concrete ice. I would never let go because in this moment I would mark my own life. This would be whatever I make it.

 

“I love you.”

 

Darn it. Well, pack up the bags boys we’re going home.

 

“I do to.” She said

 

Well, this is quite odd. What now? Shall I continue this serpentine path and risk the outcome. As far as this road goes I’ll go because for a lack of a better words, I’m desperate. What would you prescribe? Well, I suppose I am on my own and will reap the benefits and am sure will feel the consequences sooner than later.

 

She smiled. That twinkle in her eye ever so present in this moment. I followed suit with my best attempt at a romantic smile. She laughed. We stood there motionless for quite a while. We stared into each other’s eyes. We looked into each other’s books. We read each other through, the foundation, the furnished walls of our heart, the background, the morals, the ethics. We watched every move we made with an attentive eye.

“I approve.” She stated

“Okay….What now?”

 

She turned her front foot and started jumping up and down. Her hair cascading through the air with an artful rush of movement. I watched in shear amazement. What was this? Before I could ask her the purpose of this odd presentation, she turned and ran. I looked behind me at the past. The past that had been my story. The story that had scribed a dull schedule. Even though this new chapter seemed to be inane, to be sort of maniacal, to be immutable in its direction. I was fine with it. I was content in knowing that I was stepping into a new. A new land uncharted that isn’t pondered in my imaginable mind. I voiced my concern in the uncharted land and it called no worries back in my direction. I now had the urge to run. I had the urge to run after this moment. Run after the feeling of life. This girl was something new. A story that I can’t explain. I will leave my heart open to this cryptic inscriptions. I will be gone tonight with the power of love. The story of my life has not been set, but it sure is starting to move. I step with the prevailing urge and bound with energy. With every step I could see an emerging future. A future that pounded with the beat of the drum and walked the paved road of generosity. I walked the roads of my mind. I could see her face. That pristine smile that glamored hope and joy. I could hear her charming voice rumble through my ear canal and could feel the strings of my heart strung. This was the excitement of life. Was it that simple? Was it simply love that I was looking for?

We ran through the night. I never became weary. It seemed the adrenaline had continuously fueled us through each strain of energy. It was emotion that welcomed me into this world of prolonged stamina. It had interjected into my spirit with a addictive grace. Pouring out was the yolk of my youth. The smiles. The joy. The imaginative ventures. The wandering forest. The rocket ship. The superhero capabilities. These had all seemed to be sane rationalities in these moments. I had opened my arms and wrapped my arms around it. She rest her head on my shoulder.

She again says, “I approve.”

I had come to love that line. She was the one who had approved of me. Someone had welcomed my qualities as whole and pure. She accepted me as who I was. In this moment. In this moment I knew what I was to do with the rest of my life. I was to take her into my loving arms and kiss her under the beating stars, and sculpt our names into the horizon. I was to set this as an eternal structure.

 

The next morning I found myself waking before the break of dawn. We had slept through the night under the stars and the tall trees. The humidity made me sweat. I could barely see through the darkness so I decided to try to go back to sleep. The attempt failed so I sat there waiting for the light to come again. A jaunty sun rose above the depths of its undertaking and it hit the darkness with its immense power. I sat there crossing my legs over each other. My head lay against the trunk of an old tree. I now see the girl lying behind me. She laid quiet for quite some time. I again marveled at her beauty. Then out of nowhere a beautiful voice spoke to me.

 

“Why’d you punch him?”

 

I turned my head around and saw the girl I had talked to yesterday. I was extremely puzzled.

 

“Who’s that?” I questioned

 

“My sister.” She said nonchalantly

 

“So why’d you do it?”

 

“I’m not quite sure why.”

 

“That’s cool. I would’ve done the same thing.”

 

We sat there talking about random things. She would discuss how she had plans to become an inventor and change the world. Her sister on the other hand held her back. Her sister always wanted to travel the world and since she had been recently diagnosed with cancer, they both had taken on this venture. I on the other hand felt selfish in saying I was doing this for myself. This was a rational feeling I assume, but the feeling downplayed the goals I had in mind. I wanted to change the world too, but I just didn’t know how I would do it.

 

Very suddenly the sister lying on the solid ground arose from her slumber. I decided this would be a perfect moment to ask for their names.

 

“Good morning!” I stated ever so awkwardly.  “And what would be your name?”

 

“What?” the sister now asked as she walked toward me.

 

I promptly stood up and walked towards her.

 

“I’m sorry. I can ask you both another time. I was just curious of your name.”

 

She walked straight up to my face, gave me a quick crooked smile and punched me in the face.

 

“Ow.”

 

“That usually works.” She said

 

“What usually works?”

 

I observed the landscape and came to an open trash bag. I was taken back immediately. The bag was full of wallets, keychains, rings, etc. I was transfixed. I felt empty inside.

 

“Was all that a lie?” I directed towards the girl I knew better.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“How so?”

 

I ran. I turned and ran. This wasn’t going to happen to me. The only people I had known had been minor pictures on the wall only to be taken down shortly thereafter. Everyone I knew always had a story that I didn’t like to read. I mumbled my way through the forest and found the beach. Just like my dream I saw a hut. This time I felt no comfort in knowing where to go. I saw no man underneath the hut and no boat. I was tackled from behind.

 

“Get off of me!”

 

The two girls helped me up.

 

“I’m Jackie.” The girl on the left said.

“I’m Harley.” The girl on the right said.

 

There was no glaring difference between the two unless of course I heard them express themselves. Their personalities were very different but on the outer, physical frame there was none.

 

“Happy now?” They both said in perfect synchronization

 

I nodded my head.

 

“Good.”

 

I tried to walk around them but they blocked my every move. All these women do is provericate. I am certain that is their goals in life. I am almost certain that this girl, whichever one that might be, is not an inventor nor does her sister have cancer. I felt angered by the inescapability of this situation but I had realized for a moment that they were all I had. They might be ruthless murderers for all I know but without them, I would be alone again and that I can’t stand. We all walked to the beach and sat by the shoreline.

 

“You can’t tell us apart can you?”

 

I shook my head.

 

“Figured. Look, Harley has a cut on her forehead. You see it.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Simple as that.”

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